Superficiality II
Wow. So for the last two days, I've been defending the theory I came up with. Online and off. Its been...interesting.
Of all the comments, I think Shira raises the best question. If, as a general rule, and not just within the Orthodox community, men care more about looks than women, my theory fails. Nephtuli then pointed out that this need not be true. All that would be required is a different set of circumstances which has the same effect as questioning does in the Orthodox community. While true, I think that is far fetched, that so many communities have such issues that its become ingrained. It seems more likely that its just natural.
[As an aside, I asked a number of non-Orthodox people, both Jewish and not, and the replies were pretty well scattered, some saying men cared more about looks, some saying women, and others saying it was equal.]
I strongly disagree that women can adapt to the lack of good looks on men if they like his personality, but men can't. There are many ugly men with pretty women, and vice versa. I know some of them. We may be judging beauty differently, for a girl it would be his smile, for a man, her figure. I feel that in those situations, looks fall by the wayside and attraction increases as time goes on. They may be friends for a while before dating, or they may date, but the relationship stagnates for some time.
So, the theory I proposed, is it right? Definitely not in all aspects. And of course, we have no data to back up either "conventional" wisdom, though the fact that its conventional wisdom should be enough to make us question it. On the other hand, if Shira's incorrect, and it is confined (or more confined) to the OJ community, then perhaps it is correct. Either way, I think its interesting.
Peronally, I do think that girls are superficial when it comes to looks, and if not as much as guys, its pretty close. Again, we may define looks differently. But what each side considers looks they do so superficially. Conventional wisdom may only shed light on the fact that guys are more honest about it.
Of all the comments, I think Shira raises the best question. If, as a general rule, and not just within the Orthodox community, men care more about looks than women, my theory fails. Nephtuli then pointed out that this need not be true. All that would be required is a different set of circumstances which has the same effect as questioning does in the Orthodox community. While true, I think that is far fetched, that so many communities have such issues that its become ingrained. It seems more likely that its just natural.
[As an aside, I asked a number of non-Orthodox people, both Jewish and not, and the replies were pretty well scattered, some saying men cared more about looks, some saying women, and others saying it was equal.]
I strongly disagree that women can adapt to the lack of good looks on men if they like his personality, but men can't. There are many ugly men with pretty women, and vice versa. I know some of them. We may be judging beauty differently, for a girl it would be his smile, for a man, her figure. I feel that in those situations, looks fall by the wayside and attraction increases as time goes on. They may be friends for a while before dating, or they may date, but the relationship stagnates for some time.
So, the theory I proposed, is it right? Definitely not in all aspects. And of course, we have no data to back up either "conventional" wisdom, though the fact that its conventional wisdom should be enough to make us question it. On the other hand, if Shira's incorrect, and it is confined (or more confined) to the OJ community, then perhaps it is correct. Either way, I think its interesting.
Peronally, I do think that girls are superficial when it comes to looks, and if not as much as guys, its pretty close. Again, we may define looks differently. But what each side considers looks they do so superficially. Conventional wisdom may only shed light on the fact that guys are more honest about it.
posted by Romach at
11:23 PM
